Well, folks I know that the blog is supposed to deal with personal stuff. Not quite, though. I'm gonna start from now on by writing about the stuff I like, the fantasized world my mind creates every time I become obsessed with something, and possibly, if I ever manage to have time, I will start putting in digital version all the stuff I've been writing in small sheets of paper, cardboard, paper napkins, torn folders, and cute Barbie notebooks.
Yes, I do become obsessed with different kinds of stuff. Like in my teen years, my obsession was basically to become one of the popular girls in class. But I had two things against me: my Mediterranean looks (kinda chubby, too white, too hairy, too acne prone, too huge glasses, too crooked teeth, too stinky body odour, what else can I say?). The info. in parentheses just became my teen anger karma. No popularity that way.
So then I tried being cool, I had a classmate who was as ugly as whatever you can think of... I guess Ronaldinho is far cuter than this classmate of mine. Anyway, I started letting people know I liked music and dancing. Ooops! Oh no! I kinda liked the wrong type of music: salsa (Willie Colon and Ruben Blades). Oh, c'mon! I, in the middle of mediterranean and Middle East descendants (Portuguese, Spanish, Lebanese, Sirian, Italian) trying to become popular by listening to such "horrendous music for slum people". Failure number two.
So then I became an angry young teen, hating myself mostly. From then on, I started listening to John Lennon's Double Fantasy record. Yes, record, long play, not CD or DVD. Anyway, I didn't understand any bit of it. The album came with the lyrics, and from these I kinda tried to translate the stuff little by little. So I found out a lot of stuff was going on there. I found out that Lennon was the singer in a very old favorite song of mine: In my life. Little did I know then that the band was no other than the Beatles. So my obsession number two was about to take place.
I embarked into a decade's obsession with everything Beatles: even McCartney stuff. So I began to realize there were other bands around. I'm not gonna go deep into the Beatles thing right now, for I think I have documents that date back from that decade that can show better what I mean by "my Beatlemania period".
After that, came other things: in my twenties, two more obsessions co-existed with Beatlemania: losing weight and finding romance. I failed miserably at both, being contented with just getting by with the Beatles music and memorabilia.
In my late twenties, I found myself angrier than ever, considering vanishing definitely from this freaky planet. But I found Nirvana, and Kurt Cobain was cathartic. I went by, working as a dog at that binational center I should not mention, so that they don't sue me or stuff.
But then, I was no longer that angry at myself: Kurt killed himself, or did he? I still think he was driven to kill himself, drug-induced and under pressure from his so-called friends, colleagues and family. I understood the meaning and fragility of life, as I also accepted the fact that no man will ever approach me in a romantic way. Not ever!!!
That horrific year I was rejected three times, one of which the police was even called. Was I a stalker? So the guy thought, a stupid woman hater who thought I wanted to rape him or something. To make it short, the second rejection came from a guy who couldnt think of a better excuse that my being "overweight, greasy, disgusting piece of bacon". Ahhhh, well, the overweight part was partially true. I'm much heavier now, but never this beautiful I am now. The third one came a little gentler: he was a committment-phobe who wouldn't dare take a chance on me. Or so he let me know. Why was I setting eyes on the wrong guys??? What was wrong with me?
I later dismissed the whole idea of ever dating anyone, so I focussed on my career as an EFL teacher and my studies. I even forgot about the music for a while. Two years after Cobain's death, I started listening the only two bands that have held my attention ever since: Oasis and Green Day. Which happen to be my new obsessions now. In a healthy way, you know. I know I will never ever meet the guys, I don't even consider being a few feet away from them or anything. I just enjoy the music, and reading stuff in the net, and downloading music, pictures and gossip. That's all.
My next postings will show what I know so far about these bands. For now, this will suffice.
